The Modern Man

Hi reader,

You might find this familiar?

You start something, with high expectations. Maybe a new relationship, maybe some new healthy habits because you’ve had enough of going out every weekend and not seeing progress.

You get a couple of weeks in and then hit the ‘fuck it’ button. Sometimes you’re not even aware that you’re sabotaging..

Because it’s usually an unconscious reaction. Part of you feels unworthy, alongside changing behaviour which can be bloody difficult anyway.

What’s fulling this unconscious behaviour, usually what we call the ‘shadow’.

What the F is the shadow? Well it’s something every man has.

It’s the invisible material of chaos, deterioration & sabotage coupled with untapped potential inside your psyche. All the traits, values, wants and desires that we've been ridiculed or punished for.

Everything we have tried NOT to be, wanted to hide, and avoided about yourself..

Personally I was always very eccentric when I was a lot younger, but I got in trouble for it a lot. Countless visits to the headmasters office in primary school.

Until one day my mother got called in and I’d never seen her so upset, in tears because I was ‘naughty’. I remember that day, and now realising that’s when I stopped accepting and letting that part of myself show up.

Find out why it shows up, the characteristics and what we need to do to face our shadow, integrate it into our lives so we can stop self sabotaging…

Grab the PDF below with some crucial questions for you to get to know your shadow.

Why does it exist?

1) YOUR EGO/IDENTITY IS LIMITED IN BANDWIDTH SO NEEDS TO OMIT ASPECTS OF WHO WE ARE. IT WILL GENERALLY OMIT ASPECTS THAT YOU DON'T LIKE OR THAT FIT SOCIETAL STANDARDS.

2) YOU EXPERIENCE PAIN AND SUFFERING THAT WASN'T HEALED REPRESSED ABUSE, REJECTION, LOSS, EMBARRASSMENT THAT COMES UP WHEN WE LEAST WANT IT.

So in essence all of the things we’ve been conditioned we ‘should’ not be. And for a lot of us men that mean never being angry. So we suppress anger and end up using unhealthy coping mechanisms.

The Characteristics

Here’s a non extensive list of some common aspects of the shadow..

• Our purpose - often times we get pushed into a certain profession through pressure from parents and society.

• Our untapped potential - for the same reason as above. We avoid excelling out of fear of it not being accepted.

• Joy - sometimes we come from dysfunctional backgrounds where feeling joyous and happy was shamed because it triggered insecurity in those around us.

• Boundaries - too rigid or too loose.

• Grief - unprocessed because we’ve been told to ‘suck it up’ or ‘man up’ and crack on. So haven’t been able to properly grieve loss.

  
  Avoiding these characteristics alongside other emotions such as anger and anxiety because a lot of us still feel that showing emotion is ‘weak’.
  
  Leading to self sabotage.
  
  Personally I think being open, honest and vulnerable is one of the most courageous things we can do.
  
  A lot men I speak to because the nature of the word ‘masculinity’ feel this shadow for just being a man and we feel we need to push down or hide our true masculine nature to ‘fit in’.
  
  When in reality this harms us. We need to be able to express these parts of ourselves healthily. Through creativity, building things physically or businesses, play and channelled aggression through sport or physical activity.

Integration is needed

To overcome this self sabotage and integrate the shadow into our lives. Which is the only way we can stop letting it take over so we can overcome these unhelpful behaviours like drug and alcohol use, porn, food, numbing out on social media…

We need to honour and own these 5 points:

1. A WILLINGNESS TO BE HONEST & TRANSPARENT. ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S UNCOMFORTABLE.
   

2. GET CURIOUS & EXPLORE OUR PAST TO SEE HOW AND WHY IT'S AFFECTING OUR PRESENT.
   

3. AGREE TO GET OUT OF THE HEAD AND INTO BODILY EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCE.
   

4. COMMIT TO SELF REFLECTION AND WILLING TO DISCOVER AND DISCLOSE WHAT HAS BEEN HIDDEN.
   

5. DEDICATION TO EXTREME OWNERSHIP. ADMIT WHEN WE FALTER.

Free Shadow Training

If you want to dig a little deeper, I’m offering you a free training to help you gain some awareness around the ‘shadow’.

How and why it might be showing up in your life with some questions to help you uncover the shadow.

Let me know how you get on and feel free to reply to this email if you want to chat more about ending your sabotaging behaviours.

Whenever you're ready, there are 3 ways we can help you: