The Modern Man

Hi reader,

Welcome to the Modern Man weekly newsletter, the place where you can become the best man you can possibly be.

3 Nuggets

💘 Helped, heard or hugged
👑 Think like a farmer
🍏 Eating on the go

We’re going to chat about 3 frames/tools that have massively helped my relationships at work and in life. Whilst giving you a simple guide on how to eat on the go..

PLUS a free resource to look back on when you’re out and on the go..

1. Helped, Heard or Hugged

I read this recently in a book I’m reading, 8 rules for love by Jay Shetty and it rang very true. If you’re anything like myself and most of the gents I coach..

We like to fix and solve problems straight away, so when out partner or someone comes to us with a problem, maybe they want to vent a little. We’re quick to try and give advice and tell them how to solve the problem.

However, something I’ve learned throughout my 6 year relationship is that a lot of the time Rach (my girlfriend) just wants to be heard, listened to and supported.

Using this frame is a perfect opportunity to step back from your need to fix and actually give the other what they want in the moment.

Do you want to be helped, heard or hugged right now?

A similar question I’ve been implementing for years when trying to support someone is..

Do you want a solution or support right now?

Give these questions a go next time someone is venting or comes to you with a problem.

Maybe they’ve come home from a hectic day at work, their boss has been a c*** and they just want to vent.

2. Leadership: Think Like a Farmer

So you’ve got a team, maybe you’re running a business and want shit to get done. Maybe you’re trying to grow a family and things aren’t quite going how you planned?

Kids are playing up, a bit of friction between you and your partner. Things keep blowing up.

This frame and mindset shift changed the game for one of the Modern Man members recently - his lads at work were playing up and it was, quite frankly. Pissing him off.

So he kept losing it and blowing up at them, which worked for a short period of time. But we spoke about this Mindset shift and it seems to have worked.

So thinking of your team as though they’re a farmers crops.

1. Don’t shout at the crops…
   
   fear based drivers for action are not a solution for long term change. If your team are scared of you then don’t trust you..
   

2. Don’t blame the crop for not growing fast enough…
   
   like when Jose Mourinho calls out his team for playing shit he doesn’t usually last much longer at the club.
   
   Think top down, are the conditions right for them to grow. Are you leading by example?
   

3. Don’t uproot the crops before they’ve had the opportunity to grow…
   
   Show, let your teachings integrate, be patient and give multiple chances initially.
   
   4. Choose the best plants for the soil…
   
   This will come in your vetting process, less relatable to the family side of things but 100% suited to business. Are you looking out for traits and values when you hire people?
   
   5. Irrigate and fertilise…
   
   Give then the conditions, the nourishment they need to grow and thrive. This again stems from that top down approach of leading by example… One of the key pillars inside the Modern Man programme is being an exemplar.
   
   6. Remove the Weeds…
   
   Again not completely applicable to family. Can be so though, if the person is toxic. It’s simple, they need to go.
   
   Whether that’s setting a boundary between you and them or firing them.
   
   7. The crops will have great and not so great seasons - we cannot control the weather. We can be prepared…
   
   Sometimes we’ve got to accept the ebb and flow of life and come back to the question if we’re stressed.

   
   So what?
   
   If the real answer to that is survival then yes that needs addressing. 99% of the time, we’ll be fine.
   

3. Eating on the go?

One thing that has come up with a lot of clients recently. Iwan how can I eat healthier when I’m on the go, out at a restaurant, in the car..

Well gentlemen it doesn’t have to be as complicated as we think.

As long as we realise that we don’t have to be, and actually can never always be perfect.

We can always simply dial in the basics, eat slowly and mindfully.

1. Shape your mindset - Are you going to choose to stick to the plan or just have a day off? Know the consequences.

2. At a restaurant?

You know the menu is tempting but you know something could cause a little gut issues and brain fog.

Try pre-planning, pick an item that suits you beforehand so you’re not blindsided.

Double up on protein and ask swap out the ingredients that don’t serve you.

3. Filling up at a petrol station?

Make the best choice possible. Check out the PDF and video for a guide on how to go about this..

Whenever you're ready, there are 3 ways we can help you: